5000 words and an article

Sat, 11/16/2013 - 14:55 -- BlueWinds

So, I've felt rather inspired yesterday and today, and so I have written around 5000 words of new content, including a lot of backer rewards. Now I just need to go and find images to match all that text...

Yep, I always write first, then picture-match. Sometimes I adjust the text a little after the fact if I can't find a picture that matches my mental model, but usually not. I've added ~6 new images so far, and still have to find 15 or so.

 


 

This next bit isn't particularly related to the game, but I needed to write it somewhere, and this is the only vaguely public venue I have access to. Warning: Too much information about BlueWinds ahead.

I've been doing a bit of self-reflection. Partly inspired by a commenter here several months ago (yes, I really do read and think about what you all write, sometimes more than I should), I realized I've been carrying around a lot of unresolved guilt over my kinks. Specifically, how can I enjoy writing about the humiliation / domination / degredation / objectification of other women, and at the same time be respecful, a feminist, and avoid contributing to rape-culture? It was twisting me up inside, and I didn't even realize it.

Enter an article. Go read it. I'll wait.

Done? Good. So, I want to thank Greta Christina for being wise. I don't have to be ashamed of what I like. I can be both a good progressive feminist and write about people getting tied up and beaten. Hathawa's total submission to Antinua is a bit extreme (you'll see a bit more of it in the next release, and a lot more in the backers-exclusive story I started writing), but hot as hell.

I also want to thank Jyeti for defending me against myself. Fuck off, inner demons, I don't need to change to be a good person. And you too, mom, for planting these demons. Love you, but you were wrong about porn being evil. I'll whip fictional women if I please, and keep looking for a girlfriend who wants to try it in real life.*

* I'm not really sure what I want, but I'd like to experiment sometime.**
** I think I have sub-ish tendencies, but, um, I've never gone beyond 1st base.***
*** Now you all know my little secret. I have a pretty vivid imagination, but no experience.

Comments

Terryble on

This is something that has been churning around in the back of my mind for many months now to the point that I've been discussing it with a close friend who shares a lot of my kinks. Both of us are male but consider ourselves feminists who have no idea how to reconcile these seemingly conflicting interests.

At some point last year I was sitting in my room coming to the realisation that I was bi-sexual and actually feeling like shit about it, eventually I simply decided that there is absolutely no value in judging your own sexual desires. Why tear yourself apart for what is inherently present in your pathos when it effects nobody but yourself? I considered the question and found the answer to be that there isn't a good answer so I stopped caring. Sure, I don't run up and down the street yelling about the fact that I have sex with other men but I also don't sit in my room tormenting myself for no reason.

As someone with a chronic illness I actually think there is a pretty good comparison to be made. Something an awfully large percentage of the population don't really know or aren't really educated about is that mental conditions and psychology are not some ethereal, flippy-floppy, convenient set of switches which one can simply decide upon. People with depression for example are physically incapable of just 'shaking off' their condition, similarly people's fetishes and desires* are not something one simply decides upon or cast off in the blink of an eye; they are deeply entrenched and in most cases not negotiable. Now I could sit around here cursing my body for deciding to use its own immune system to attack itself or I could just accept the fact, undergo treatments and move on with my life. I could also sit here and curse the fact that I'm attracted to men or that I like bondage and rape fantasies or I could just live my life and accept the fact.

In both of these cases I simply accept and move on, there is absolutely no point in dwelling on the unchangable. Much for the same reason I do not contemplate death on a daily basis.

Finally I would just say this to you directly BlueWinds, you are not creating a manifesto, you are not inspiring a generation of rapists, you are not building a social movement, you are making a sex game in this little corner of the internet for a bunch of people to enjoy. If anyone believes you are contributing to rape culture they should phone http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Thompson_(activist) and tell him they agree that Grand Theft Auto is responsible for mass shootings across America. You are enabling fantasy not rapes, if you want to feel bad about that you can but I would suggest you keep making people, and more importantly, yourself happy instead.

*It's probably worth making clear that I am not saying sexual fetishes, kinks, etc. are mental illnesses or anything negative or implying that they require treatment.

EDIT: Oh yeah and BlueWinds, don't feel bad about a lack of experience. It's not something worth being worried about, I should know, I was an untouched, unkissed virgin until 20. As a man that's unthinkable... for some reason. Anyway, it'll happen when it happens and it's not going to change your world.

Wizard (not verified) on

I pretty much agree with what Terry said. I'm a male feminist as well but really adore Lesbians and Bondage. (BTW BlueWinds please add amples of both to your game). What BlueWinds is working on is a fantasy project designed to play out our fetishes in a safe and controlled environment. Where we get to explore what would happen instead of making it happen in reality. It's a simulation, nothing more. And that is perfectly healthy, knowing what you like and feeling good from it.
We're humans, we seek pleasure. So having this sort of simulation is a good thing.

And yes, I am aware that there are people out there that can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality and might try some of these things in real life. But they are quick to find out that real life has consequences.

Look, point I was trying to make is. Making or playing a game like this is not a bad thing. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Note: This comes from a 20 year old virgin who isn't really interested in sex itself but is still willing to explore his vices.
Note2: I'm always lurking. Always watching... always...

BlueWinds on

I doubt I'll add any strict lesbians or any strictly straight characters - in order to save me time and bugs and having to write a dozen variations for each event (there are already plenty of variants for most things), all women in game are bisexual, and all men are straight.

Some of the characters (Antinua and Hathawa) lean very strongly in the lesbian direction. You'll never see them specifically like a guy - they'll have straight sex only in "generic" events, which any female character con trigger. Hilde is the other way around - she'll sleep with with women, but is straight when I'm writing about her directly.

I think you'll also be pleased with the Antinua/Hathawa relationship from a Bondage standpoint. ;)

I have nothing against gay/bi men - it's just not something I'm interested in writing. To put it bluntly, I'm not interested in dicks. If anyone wants to submit male-male events, I'll include them like I would any other content not everyone wants, behind an optional checkbox.

Carrera on

:)

Dorllanen on

Huh.

By this day I was almost certain the section would be flooded with comments like "i can teach you ;) ;D XDXD" and "can i hav ur digits?".

 

Internet, you amaze me. I wouldn't go as far as you're getting mature, but...

 

Anyway, good read Blues. Sort of related (but not quite): you can check out Stoya's blog ( http://stoya.tumblr.com/ ). She often writes about things that touch the above subject, sexuality and porn industry (as well working in it) in general - and how it influenced her life. A rare woman perspective I must say. Also, she's just plain awesome and fun to read (Do I need to add I'm a fan?).

 

Side note: Sex is awesome. Bondage even better. People should worry about more important things (Cancer? Famine? Melting caps?) rather than persecute two (or more) consenting adults and what they do in their free time.

BlueWinds on

Your impression of the (tiny) community here being generally mature and nice is accurate. I hardly have to reject any comments (only about ~3 since the blog opened). I think that a lot of negativity gets discouraged when the very first attempt gets turned away at the door, or at the very least called out as demanding / inconsiderate / whatever.

ptwist on

I really, realy enjoyed this post BlueWinds!I mean, always extremely great to hear about an amazing amount of productivity- but it's also beneficial for both your audience and I'm sure yourself to discuss these sort of topics. Your voice is a particularly strong one, as a female H-game creator- and it will hopefully serve to help demarginalize kink, both specifically and generally. Keep up the great work/blogging! And don't hesitate for a second posting stuff like this! 

The_Ripped on

Hey there, BlueWind, rock on for doing what you like! Like I said before, A & H strike me as a very consensual and loving couple, if brutal. In fact, 95% of all of the encounters in game are consensual, really (barring the public use as punishment...which gets some cover in that the main character can envy the person involved) and the university rape scene which specifically is shown to bring down the law - guy evetually gets caught to, right?

can't wait to see what they do to him.

[...grumble grumble turn a blessing to a horror will he...! grumble explative grumble divine retribution grumble...!]

Thankfully, you in no way seem okay with that, and I love the careful line you are walking to stay true to that while depicting the positive and loving aspects of BDSM, along with more vanilla matters. I knew you were special when I saw your project (and, more the point, saw how you wrote about it), and I'm glad I wasn't wrong - you really are a diamond we all found, and are blessed with the finding.

I have stories, though I won't share any specifically (I have a pretty solid first aid training, and am non-judgemental, which somehow resulted in me becoming the medic/first responder of the kink dorm in college. good greif - THAT was a priceless education!), but, of the relationships I've seen, the BDSM crew were no more or less loving than any other kink (and often much more respectful - I personally believe it was because they were more aware of consent and power than people who took it for granted).

I sypathize with the worry you felt, and I'm glad you've found another light to hang in your heart at the end of it. I hope you find someone to share in that warm glow some day - you deserve it!

___________________

On a second note, thank you for sharing, and honoring us with your trust in this matter. It takes courage to say this sort of thing. Even if this isn't all that public, and we don't "know" you (for all that we do know your good heart and excellent work ethic ;-) ), and you have a ban hammer, saying all of this to us was still brave, and those previous points don't change that in the slightest.

If we were a different group of people...I don't want to really contemplate how bad it could have gone (okay, yes, that's sort of a complement to the rest of your backers, as much as you; bear with me)...the point is, even if you ban hammered every one of "us," you still would have had to look at all that filth those theoretical people posted, and suffered thier stupidity - and, as much as we don't know you, you don't know us...so, you didn't have any assurances here. You really put yourself out there on a wing and a prayer, and I have to give you nothing but the deepest respect for that sort bravery.

I hope we never betray you. Diamonds are too rare to lose to thoughtless cruelty.

HypnoKitten on

Totally rock on - both in what you enjoy and what is not your cup of tea.  We don't all have to share each other's tastes, just to give each other room to enjoy them.  And as for all that conscent stuff, yea wouldn't worry too much about it.  I love the fantasy of swinging blades attached to long chains while climbing up some poor Greek giant, but I'm not finding myself even doing push-ups all that much.  And I do enjoy some power play but you'd be surprised how many people of both gender will enthusiastically play counter-point - many wanting to experience things even I won't touch.  (And I was into That scene long before I even imagined games or books would touch on that subject)  If anyone is worried about this, here are some fun historical charts - 

http://wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com/blogs/warrenthrockmorton/files/2013/06/UCR_Vio_11.gif

http://www.netfamilynews.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/CACRCchart.jpg

For reference, Pong game out in '72 and Grand Theft Auto 1 came about in '97.  So no worries, the corollation between crime and games is pretty much the same as every other trigger of psychosis - drugs, movies, news stories, someone dropping pig blood on somebody at prom, suppressed guilt for too long, or going too long without getting off.  Play on! :)