Updated Demo, Version 0.7 and Backer Story

Wed, 01/01/2014 - 00:00 -- BlueWinds
More sex scenes
62% (50 votes)
More non-sex scenes
6% (5 votes)
Current Balance is Good
32% (26 votes)
Total votes: 81

Update: 0.71 contains bugfixes. It has only one "new" event (which was previously inaccessible) - a female version of Hilde's event if you visit her instead of the Guild party.

The poll question is just because I'm curious what people would like to see in the future. Compared to the current ballance of content, would you like to see anything change?

I have updated the public demo. It is a massively stripped down version of the current development release, with about 3/4 of the content removed. As I'm sure you'll see, there's still plenty of people to meet and things to do - you'll just have to imagine how the game plays when I haven't subjected it to a hacksaw.

Version 0.7 is attached to this post. If you're a backer, enjoy. I couldn't finish Hilde's Hire sequence in time, but there is a lot of new content in this release, including dozens of images for Alison (who can be hired), and first scene involving both Wend and Hilde together. It won't be the last.

The backer-exclusive story "Snow" is also attached. ~6000 words. If you donated at the $35 level, you should be able to see it. If you can't, comment here *including the Offbeatr username with which you supported*. I put an event in the game which prompts you to read the story - you are of course free to do so whenever you please, but it might be nice to wait for proper context (hire Hathawa and Antinua, then talk to Antinua a bunch to get it). Check here if you're interested in getting access to the story but haven't supported yet.

This is my first time publishing a PDF. I'm not really an editior or layout person, so please excuse any ugliness.

 

Have a good day, week and new year. :)

 


:sigh: Parents.

My mother is dear to me, but she does not understand me in the slightest. She says she really wants to know what I'm thinking or feeling... then tells me I'm wrong. Doesn't make all that much sense, for someone else to tell me that I'm not really feeling what I'm feeling. No, I am not interested in my housmate, no matter how good of friends we are or how "compatible" you've decided I am with him.

I was a little angry, and am glad the battery on my phone died and ended the call before I got more angry. Now I'm just feeling lonely. That picture does me pretty good justice right now.

Coming out would (I feel) be much easier if she flatly opposed it, rather than thinking she was being supportive and in the same sentence pushing a hetronormative agenda. It's been about a year, and I think she's getting worse about it rather than better.

As far as she knows, I'm "just" a lesbian. Hearing me write about prostitution and slave collars would give her a heart attack.

 


I only just realized that this makes the backer story sound like a self-insert. I promise you, it isn't. I am very, very different from Hathawa, and my parents are nothing like hers. Just poor timing on my part to have a frustrating phone conversation with her that made me want to share and be releasing the story on the same day.

Story: 
Development Snapshot: 

Comments

Allithus on

It has to be something difficult for her to accept, she grew up in a different era. Besides she's over thiry and people over third tends to not change their political views.

BlueWinds on

She's as liberal as they come, marched in rainbow pride parades before I was born, and supports gay rights. And she talks my ears off about the importance of empathy and understanding and unconditional love.

It's just that in practice she's not so good at living up to her beliefs.

As you say, different era.

Daedilus on

Didn't mean for this to turn into a book; but it got kind of long winded... I just felt compelled to explain the right paradigm on homosexuality after seeing 'liberalism' being tied to it, it's nothing mean or bigoted, just long winded, so no worries.



As for political beliefs, and liberals being "for" gays...



It is only the left paradigm that attempts to lock people into compartmental roles, gay, black, Hispanic, woman, [insert compartment here], and then tells them they are incapable of achieving anything on their own; and thus need to vote for them so they can impose regulations not 'those who are not like us' to ensure your ability to compete as a [insert compartmentalized victim role here]...



I'm as conservative as they come, and i lived with gay, conservative roommates for over 15 years; until i got married and bought my own home. Never marched in a rainbow parade in my life, but i guarantee you I have done more to help gays than any parade marcher has ever done, just as an actual friend.



Being right of center / conservative doesn't mean you are 'against' gays, you just don't think there is any need for the government to step into the situation to "help" you rise to the level of those awful 'normal people'...



The right paradigm thinks [insert compartmentalized victim role her] are just fine running their day to day lives without any government interference and as capable as anyone else in managing their affairs.



The whole 'gay marriage' thing is a total red herring... I absolutely agree that there is not equal representation because tax laws have been tied to it. In the past, it was logical for the government to promote hetero relationships that promoted the breeding of new tax payers... Maybe we have moved beyond that. To that end, we should remove all tax incentives for marriage, which is a religious institution, not a political or taxation institution.



It is no mystery that the religious covenant of Matrimony, (To be with child before the eyes of god), which asks for the blessing of children to be bestowed upon a marriage in exchange for the solemn vow of raising those blessings in the house of god; when invoked for a homosexual relationship incapable of receiving those blessings draws, the ire of the religious...

To that end, for the perspective of the right i see the solution as to not 'force same sex marriage on the religious', but to remove the political attachments of marriage. No tax benefits, no marriage licenses, nothing.



Then, if you can find the 'first church of the new way of reading things' willing to perform a marriage for gays, hey, that's between you and your church...



Ultimately as a right paradigm constitutionalist, whatever you want to do that affects only you, or those who agree with you, go for it; and keep the damned uniformed men with machine guns the hell away from the citizenry...

We have entirely too many men with machine guns forcing entirely too many laws upon people as it is, the last thing we need is more...

The problem with our society isn't too few laws. It's too many.

BlueWinds on

Any time you use the phrase "liberals are X", your crazy is showing. You might want to check that. There is no homogenous group with a single agenda - you're fighting against a straw-man of your own construction.

Daedilus on

Actually, i didn't say, "liberals are [x]" anywhere in my post...

When i said, "...liberals being 'for' gays..." i was refering to your direct quote, "She's as liberal as they come", as a defense to "Her being over thirty and people over thirty not being able to change their political views.", expressed by the previous commenter

I'm over thiry, not changing my political views any time soon; and i completely support gays in all aspects of their civil and social equality.  I was attempting to be supportive in light of your personal disclosure, and show that you have support from both political spectrums, since you seemed to publicly identify it with only one..

Sorry you find that 'crazy'... Was not my intent.

Signing off.

BlueWinds on

It's not what you said, it's the way you said it. Lots of discussion of The Other(TM). I felt that your post spent more time attacking (not me, but in general) than supporting.

"People with guns" makes a scary talking paint, but it's not great for real discourse.

Daedilus on

Government = men with machine guns.No offense intended.

AColonyOfAnts on

Boy oh boy oh boy where to even start:


>     It is only the left paradigm that attempts to lock people into compartmental roles, gay, black, Hispanic, woman, [insert compartment here], and then tells them they are incapable of achieving anything on their own; and thus need to vote for them so they can impose regulations not 'those who are not like us' to ensure your ability to compete as a [insert compartmentalized victim role here]...


Honestly the only example I can find of this Affirmative Action, in which do not support.  Otherwise, what?  Let's start with one topic: voter fraud: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voter_suppression.  If you're a Conservapedia type, stop, don't read futher, and don't respond.  More about LGBT marriage below.

 


>     I'm as conservative as they come, and i lived with gay, conservative roommates for over 15 years; until i got married and bought my own home. Never marched in a rainbow parade in my life, but i guarantee you I have done more to help gays than any parade marcher has ever done, just as an actual friend.


Are you truly willing to make that claim?

 


>     Being right of center / conservative doesn't mean you are 'against' gays, you just don't think there is any need for the government to step into the situation to "help" you rise to the level of those awful 'normal people'...


You, as a conservative, may think so, but the 2012 national politics have brought out the worst kinds of conservative, namely Rick Santorum/Rick Perry.  Continually calling a minority a group of sinners that are not equal to others in the eyes of the law is hardly endearing and stinks of "against gays."

 


>    As for the rest of your text...


The problem is not that there are a lot of tax laws tied into marriage law (by the way, marriage benefits also handle inheritance issues, usually a whole lot more important than tax deductions).  The problem is that Christianity and thus all of it's little denominations of it, have embraced marriage as fundamentally *theirs,* and therefore believe that they are allowed to claim that allowing gay marriage is a sacreliege.  This claim is absurd.  Marriage has been practiced long before Christianity was around (think Roman Empire), and around the globe where Christianity was never introduced (think Ancient China).  Presenting legal opposition against homosexual marriage on the basis of "it's against my religious principles" is a load of ass.  Churches have a right to refuse to hold a ceremony for anyone, but preventing the issuance of a governmentally legal marriage permit is absurd.

Invoking the 14th Amendment of the Constitution, why are there laws being introduced/passed that bar one group of the citizenry the right that the remaining citizenry take for granted?  If you are truly a Constitutionalist, your stance with regards to gay marriage makes no sense to me.

BlueWinds on

:puts on moderator hat:

Let's all let this drop, and not bring it up again.

:takes off moderator hat:

I appreciate the effort, but please don't do this here. I usually avoid my views on politics / religion on this blog specifically to avoid this sort of discussion.

I'm wishing I could retract my first comment in response to Allithus Daedilus  (Edit: sorry Allthius, mixed you up with the commentor below) - it was a knee-jerk reaction, and not particularly helpful.

Daedilus on

Dropped.

As above.

pi (not verified) on

politics has a tendency to.....

Cupworth on

It almost sounds like your mother WANTS to be supportive, but doesn't really know HOW to be supportive. Supporting gay rights and marching in pride parades is like the theory, but actually dealing with it in person  with your own child and all the preconcieved notions about that child and their future, is something else.  Kind of like donating to a feed the homeless charity vs actually pulling your sleves up and helping feed the homeless every week.   

If you find or know of any good articles about a parent dealing with their child coming out, and all the (parents) baggage dealing with that (getting their head around it, learning to be supportive w/o being condesending etc), then you should send them to your mother to read. Bluewinds isn't gay rights or a pride parade (well, you might be :p ), Bluewinds is her daughter who also happens to be a lesbian and it sounds like she hasn't quite come to terms with that yet. 

Mind that I don't know you or your mother, nor have I gone through the same thing (closest thing for me would be clinical depression ~15 years ago and getting parents to realise I wasn't just a bit sad. "Cheer up, you'll be fine" doesn't help), so take this all with the fistfull of salt you should take with all things from random internet people :). 

AColonyOfAnts on

Skimmed through the story and caught several typos, but otherwise it had excellent prose and was rather engaging.  I'm glad I invested in the $35 tier.  I'll run by it thoroughly when I have the time and not half asleep.

Anyhow I'm sorry you've had trouble with your mother.  If it means anything my thoughts and support are with you.

BlueWinds on

Ack, I thought I'd proofread the story pretty well... guess it just goes to stow that that I'm really not an editor no matter how hard I try.

Well, the first part at least. The final scene was written in something of a rush about ten minutes before I published it here.

Allithus on

By the way, how do you trigger the alison events? It seems to stop after you found the ghost.

BlueWinds on

Have someone work the "Baths" job. She really hates towels, so seeing people actually using them...

Dasanko on

"Hearing me write about prostitution and slave collars would give her a heart attack."

 

That's actually pretty funny.

Anonymous (not verified) on

You're sure the demo is only 1/4? Didn't play all of it yet, but until now, I've recruited Alison and am going strong. I think you may have, by mistake, posted the 7.0 or something like that in place of it, no? Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I guess it wouldn't hurt for you to check, right?

BlueWinds on

Yep, I just checked and it is indeed the stripped down version. It has most of Alison's events that I've written (but not all), but only about half of Wend's.

It's missing: Hilde, Hathawa, Antinua, a couple of room types, all the tentacle events, the casino, several Study variations, about half of the "non-essential" actions, 3/4 of the loan / plot advancing stuff, sex training, and lots of other miscellaneous stuff.

luminatus on

it seems when i try to make a new game that it wont go past the first "start game options"screen after that. blank screen. still displays zero money and the date

 

BlueWinds on

Try hard refreshing the page (ctrl-F5 in most browsers).

The game is really designed to be run locally, rather than over the internet. My script loader is rather primitive, and doesn't handle internet issues real well.

luminatus on

it doesnt seem to have worked any suggestions on a browser that is more compatable than others?

BlueWinds on

Firefox or Chrome, any modern version of either.

What browser are you using? Internet Explorer is not supported at all, though things like Opera or Safari should work (I don't test on them, but do fix reported bugs).

AColonyOfAnts on

So... onto V. 0.7 bugs and typos:

Bug:  The option "Hilde Visits" pops up twice as separate options.  Save file uploaded.

Typo (During Hilde Visits event):

I suppose throwing things at people and making a mess is an improvement. Alexis must be greatful grateful for small miracles. Set anything on fire yet?

Typo (During Hilde Visits part 2 event):

Another kiss, this one on the lips, and she's off. You watch her retreating back and sensously sensuously swaying butt for a moment before turning to head back inside.

Typo (During Guild Reception -> Stay -> Stranger):

It's a pleasant way to spend the evening, but you don't feel any real spark with . After a couple of dances, you part ways and head home.

Typo (During Guild Reception -> Leave):

With Wend nowhere to be found, you have no one here to say goodbye to except the valet at the gate. People have been drifting in and out all night, so there's nothing unusual about you your leaving early.

Wend (Insert Player Name here), I'm glad you could come. Please, have a seat. Sorry about the mess, just let me clear off the couch a little for you, hon. Things going well? You heard the war's almost over, right? Vanad's on its knees, and I'm stuck holding a bunch of their currency. Oh don't worry, it's not bad, the things are still pure silver so it's not a total loss, but I should have seen it coming. (This doesn't occur if you go directly to Hilde)

Bug: Also playing as a female MC, the game seems to think she has a cock during the above Hilde sex scene, and my game is non-futa.

Lorewise, Alison can read, but her starting intelligence is only 5; she cannot read if such is true.  Recommend raising her starting intelligence.

Typo (During University -> Study -> with Alison):

She calls cheerfully after your retreating back. You turn back around to give your name as well.

Nice to meet you, Sable. I'm Alison (insert Player Name here). I'll stop by sometime when your building isn't on fire.

Bug: Additionally, this event repeats itself and grants no INT increase, making it impossible to raise Alison's intelligence stat.

Bug: Submission event for high dom characters is still missing.

Bug: Servicing more customers than reputation will allow, example: (+$1700, 17/9 customers serviced)

Bug: Tried emptying my rooms to see if there were any new ones; if you empty a small room, it will claim that you don't have enough funds ($2000) to build a kitchen when I clearly do (about a quarter mil).  This problem doesn't occur in the long rooms or the one large room.

Typo: Several of the typos I caught from 0.692/3/4 have slipped into 0.7, notably the gambling hall ones.  I'll check the dump.html file for the ones I can't repeat and post them in a separate comment (probably with the backer story edits as well)

Typo (During Onsen -> Talk -> with Alison):

That is it. Alison, you I am sick and tired of your whining. You will shut up and finish this, in silence, or I swear to the gods, I will fire you and turn you out on the street tonight. Do you hear me?

 

AColonyOfAnts on

Well so much for checking the dump.html file to check for typos, I get a blank screen and a bug report prompt.  Here you go:

Attachment: 
BlueWinds on

Whoops, fixed in the next release. I'll put it out shortly, even if I haven't finished fixing everything else people have reported.

BlueWinds on

Thanks for all the reports! I'll be updating to 0.7.1 in a little while.

 

Bug:  The option "Hilde Visits" pops up twice as separate options.  Save file uploaded.

Those are actually two separate events which I labeled the same (rather than part 1 / part 2 of the same event). I never considered that they'd happen to occur on the same day. ^^;; I'll change one of them.

Bug: Also playing as a female MC, the game seems to think she has a cock during the above Hilde sex scene, and my game is non-futa.

Whoops! There's an entirely different sex scene that was supposed to trigger for women.

Bug: Servicing more customers than reputation will allow, example: (+$1700, 17/9 customers serviced)

Next time you see this happen, I'd appreciate a save for it (the turn before would be best, though after would also be helpful). This one will not be fixed in the next release, since I'm not exactly sure what's causing it.

Typo: Several of the typos I caught from 0.692/3/4 have slipped into 0.7, notably the gambling hall ones.  I'll check the dump.html file for the ones I can't repeat and post them in a separate comment (probably with the backer story edits as well)

Sorry, thought I went through your stuff and fixed them. I would appreciate a re-post here.

AColonyOfAnts on

Haha I would've uploaded another save file, but apparently each comment can only have one upload; anyhow here you go:

Customer service bug save: check Alison's work in the baths. (+390, 13/10 customers).

I'll run by all the typos once the dump file is fixed in 0.71, not entirely in the mood to start up a fresh game to check all the one time events.

Hexer on

When I go to get the amulet back it pops up visit Hilde yet when I click on the button it does not work.

 

BlueWinds on

Please export a save and attach it here - it's much easier for me to track down these things when I don't have to hunt around for them. Thanks.

pi (not verified) on

the endgame needs to be modular, with ever more gold-sinks (more buildings, more hirees) the player's coffer cannot be allowed to grow too full, or else the player will not feel challenged and quickly grow bored.

the old version had streetwalking which could for a while comfortably fund experimentation and learning how the game works. now, unfamiliar players need to complete the event chain to to rent onsen asap or have no income. charging the guild permit at the beginning of the game right after recieving a massive sum of money for a one night stand is not consistent with the money earned normally. the control schema has become somewhat confusing. it seems you can't check stats without spending a turn, but that's kinda pointless anyways because during events you can mouse over a stat when it is affected to see that stat value. there is no tracking of events apart from the asterisk. some events at a location apparently do nothing, while other events at the same location you do want. employees will take random actions while you are in some events but they seem to have no effect on the game. a lot of the above issues can probably be attributed to the removal of content. in general, many aspects of the game evoke the question of "this doesn't make sense when considered in conjunction with ... (something else)." the gameplay alternates between RNG for money and spamming the same actions to build up stats for higher RNG. theres not much actual thinking involved and the game suffers for it because not thinking or caring about the sim world equates to no immersion.

sometimes the game freezes for a while on action select. sometimes starting a new game causes issues. sometimes mouseover captions on the bottommost page end up offscreen.. otherwise the engine is solid and runs smoothly.

i can tell that you have put a lot of work into the writing and artwork, but don't forget that you are making a sim and should make game design a priority. 

BlueWinds on

"Some events do nothing" is a feature, not a bug. I'm sorry you aren't feeling immersed, but it sounds to me like this just isn't the game for you. I'm... actually not making a sim anymore, but it's too late to retitle the game. This is Interactive Fiction with some game elements to it.

And please, please capitalize your sentences - it makes people, like me, more likely to take you seriously, and makes your posts easier to read. When you show that you're putting forth effort, it makes me more likely to respond in kind.

Secret on

Hey, quick question, I donated at the $20 level before, if I gave another $15 now would that stack to 35 so I could get the story too?

BlueWinds on

Definitely. I'm flexible on that sort of thing. :)

Anonymous (not verified) on

Mount the gift buttplug on a ring, re-gift it to your mom as a pacifier.

defoit on

I can't see the story. Offbeatr profile is defoit.

BlueWinds on

There you go. :)

lindatess on

Do we have to give you our details on offbeatr before we can get activated?

BlueWinds on

This question seems confused, so instead of answering it directly, I'll summarize.

1. If you've already donated through Offbeatr, and I haven't already activated you, then I need your username so I can find you on the list.

2 If you have not already donated, then Offbeatr has nothing to do with it. Just send bitcoins and let me know it was you.

ChaosZodiark (not verified) on

This post, was informative to me. I had no idea you were a woman. o.o The things we learn.

BlueWinds on

I learn things too. I had no idea everyone here thought I was a man. ^^;;

I come across as detached and analytic in person, so that probably carries over into my writing.

Anonymous (not verified) on

Just to point out... Y'know, I think that the main reason why people around here think you're a man is because:

A) Your nickname could go for either man or woman. People usually use nicknames that resemble their sex; for example, the two other women that I know that deal with erotic games use the nicks Swegabe and Vanja, you see?

B) You, perhaps because of your job in writing this game, tends to use gender-neutral pronouns while writing.

This, considering the fact that the male pronouns are dominant in society AND the fact that women dealing with erotic games and such are unusual, makes people assume you're a man. Perhaps a peculiar one, but, y'know.

P.S.: Now that I see it, I didn't use any pronouns to indentify myself either here. Fuck. Well, I'm a man, in case anyone is wondering. Fucking double-edge knifes...

Vestrina on

These first two have been in there a while, apparently I just never noticed them before:

---

wend.js

_id: hireWend

"That's you your permit for starting a business"

---

realtor.js

_id: workTavern

Continuity error:"It feels a little beneath you to be waiting tables, after being captain of your own ship (well, definitely captain, but not really "own"), but it's only a temporary thing until you can talk with this Shao Zetang guy and get a place of your own."

This event occurs when working the tavern, before event 'findPlace2" where a customer gives you the tip to see Shao Zetang.  Prior to this you shouldn't know Shao's name, since no one has mentioned it to you.

---

Alison\hire.js

_id: breakCurse4

"You share a pleased smile with Hilde, then it downs dawns on the two of you that she's just run away carrying a valuable magical artifact"

---

FYI, I gave the current code a shot on a Windows 8.1 tablet.  The scrolling is still wonky in the ModernUI version of Chrome (it keeps jumping to the center-most event), but I was able to get it working okay in Firefox.  Dragging my finger on the screen doesn't do anything, but I can scroll the page fine by using the arrows on the right side of the screen.  Tapping the event bubbles works as expected, and I can tap and hold briefly if there are sub-menu options that I want to select.

Regarding the scrolling controls on the right side of the screen, what is the little circle arrow (in between up and down) supposed to do?

BlueWinds on

Thanks, fixed all of those.

The little circle-arrow re-centers the current page - sometimes on my computer it will get offset up or down a bit, and it was easier to add that circle than debug the scrolling library.

Vestrina on

Ah, that's good to know.  Using the touch screen w/ Firefox, there were rare instances when the event map was only partly on the screen, and it wouldn't let me scroll down any farther using the arrows.  The circle-arrow fixes it.  Previously I was just reloading the page. :)

Terryble on

If I'm going to be honest with you I voted for "More sex scenes" just because I love how you write them. I don't really think the balance of the game is off but I'm selfish damn it!

xenia on

You're just so cute !!!! Keep up the good the work.  Do what you like to do that's what is important.

Aube (not verified) on

Time: Alison possessing Kimea, the morning After
Original: I always expected to loose Kimea...
Suggested change: "loose"-->"lose"

Time: Finding Alison at the Docks
Original: You and Hilde collapse against a wall, gasping of breath.
Suggested change: should be either "out of breath" or "gasping for breath"
Original:...and step over to where Alison is collapsed on the ground.
Suggested change: "where Alison has collapsed to the ground" or "where Alison lays collapsed on the ground"

BlueWinds on

Thanks, fixed (you may need to refresh the demo a time or two for the changes to show up).

AColonyOfAnts on

So... going through the dump file of 0.71

#meetAntinua

After establishing that <<- people[0] >> is available, that the woman's name is Antinua and that Antinua she would like a back rub and warm oil massage, they head to a back room.

#recruitAntinuaUnacceptable

I don't appreciate you your leaving marks on my employee's throat. Were you choking her?

#recruitAntinuaHathawasOK

You perhaps expected an argument form from Antinua, or a silent stare, but not an objection from Hathawa.

#whoreHireAntinuaRetry

You see Antinua leaving Hathawa's room again, and she sees you seeing catches your gaze. (not exactly a typo but using the verb 'see' three times in a single sentence makes for awkward)

#hireAntinuaRetryYes

She signs it with a flurish flourish, right there on the <<- buildings[0] >> floor. She'll start work immediately.

Additionally, the text looks wonky in the dump file, similar to the male-dom brothel event I reported earlier.

#startBrothelNeutral

The money you've been loaned should be enough to get started, and a since a business like this has almost no capital costs, you should start making money instantly.

#startBrothelNeutral/Slut/Sensual (all three)

You wonder briefly about the sudden contrast, between ditzy Wend distracted by as she currently is by a bouquet of flowers someone just carried in and the flash of other you just saw, a shrewd negotiator. 

#firstPaymentSex

You leave out some of the more explicit parts, but Hilde listens with a smile that makes you want to keep to keep talking for hours. 

#secondPaymentMale2

After a moment to take a deep breath, the she descends again, taking your entire length until her face is pressed against your crotch.

#tavernKnight4

Her previous reluctance is gone as she reaches out in fascination to wrap first her hard and then her lips around your cock.

She moves, rocking slightly as the feels the sensation, cum dribbling out of her pussy and onte onto your crotch.

She doesn't say anything, just stares at you for a moment then lays down beside you and nestles her head into the crook of your arm, exhausted with a pleased smile.

#buyInstrument

There are two stalls selling instruments, but you're drawn to a small cart huddled against a wall on the very edge of the market.

#exercisePony

Leading her out the front door of the <<- people[1].building() || 'inn' >>, the tow two of you head for the park. 

#exercisePony2

You open your mouth automatically as the wooden bit touches your lips, trying te to keep your eyes focused straight ahead, a task made easier as the blinders settle around your eyes.

You're falling under her spell - your mistress, you can feel her hair tickling your nipple as the she bends down, her breath on your stomach.

She strokes your hair and touches your shoulder reassuringly, then smiles down and takes your reigns reins.

#exerciseNude3

The metal base is shockingly cold as you press it against your ass, and you have some trouble getting it in until <<- people[0] >> tokes takes it from you, tells you to bend over, and slowly wiggles it in. 

#pimpMale1

You have little luck. To be perfectly honest with yourself, it was predictable - there just isnt' isn't that much call for male prostitutes.

#pimpMale2

She presses the gold coin into your hand (quite a geed good fee), and lets out a surprised squeak as you literally sweep her off her feet and plant a kiss against her lips.

#studyAlone1

Each one has been carefully transcribed by hand, so accumulated in a century of careful management since the old building was destroyed in a fire.

Anyhow, that's about halfway into the dump file.  I'll run through the rest in another night or so.

AColonyOfAnts on

2/3 edits for 0.71:

#trainingSlut4

They take He takes her for a walk in the park, talking of nothing important.

#gatherNews2

War is a lot more exciting when someone else is doing the dieing dying.

#gambleYes

You nod, he smiles and slops slaps your back, and shoves you into the building.

#gambleFirst

Now that you've begun to successfully buy back you your pendant, you feel a lot more secure about relaxing and enjoying yourself a bit.

Not too far from the docks is a gambling hall - though it does its best to look seedy, the clean floors and well-dressed clientèle give lie to belie that impression.

#gambleGamble1

You do ok, loosing losing a little bit over the course of the night, but hardly your entire pool.

Money well spent though - the dealer turns out to be a charming and witty fellow, and while loud, the one of the other players is amusing in his antics, gripes and, on one occasion, launches an epic monologue about the unjust hand of cruel fate that has shipwrecked him on the jagged rocks of poverty, in response to loosing losing a single dollar he'd won ten minutes earlier.

#gambleGamble2

You do ok, loosing losing a little bit over the course of the night - house favoring odds making their mark felt, though you do better than anyone else at the table.

One woman in particular - you'd have guessed she was a duchess or countess, if she didn't drink so heavily and swear like a sailor - looses loses a great deal, face steadily getting redder until you decide to begin subtly helping her out with some imperfect plays.

You also begin hinting that she's had enough to drink - with your help, she hardly looses loses any more money before the barmaids agree with your assessment and cut off her supply of liquor.

#gambleGamble42

I'm not holding you responsible, but that don't mean I'm not depressed about it. I still have a group of thirty, good fighters all of them, but without her around to keep things straight I've started loosing losing friends.

#gambleDrinkLoud

A boisterous crowd of sailors arrive in the gambling hall - how they managed to scrape up $500 a piece apiece is a mystery, or perhaps they were let in to lend a bit of authenticity to the shady, underground air the place cultivates.

It's a subtle thing, but long habits are hard te to break for everyone involved.

#gambleDrink2

You loose lose a bit on the game you're playing, but that's to be expected, and is easily made up for by the fact that they buy the next round.

#gamble

You know better than to do the latter - more convincing displays of wealth can be made without loosing losing it in the process.

#realtorOnsen

The central feature is of course the pools, ranging from scalding hot (you'll never have to boil water over a fire again) to a large shallow basin that runs out a hole in one wall as a stream nicely cool. (changed to reflect #manageOnsen, as the previous one doesn't make sense)

#onsenExorcismPriest

He drawn draws a pentagram in salt while you explain in detail everything that's occurred so far.Hardly visible against the bright sunlight filling the room, they none the less nonetheless give off a strong scent of lavender.

#pitFollowed

the The sun has barely risen as the two of you find yourselves shivering in the early morning chill, waiting for the gate to open and your delivery to arrive.

#pitReturnEnter2

A slimy sack descends from the ceiling as she's drown drawn up, a hole stretching to engulf her head and upper body.

#pitReturnEnter3

Gasping, chocking With gasping, choking breaths, the slimy sensation filling fills her mouth and throat and lungs.

 

There's about a third/fourth of the dump file left. Woohoo.

Terryble on

You're doing god's work Colony. Keep it up! :D

BlueWinds on

Loose -> lose

I have done a search through every file for "loose" and replaced where appropriate. Wow, I made that mistake a lot... can't claim it's a typo when I'm so consistent. ^^;;

AColonyOfAnts on

Final stretch, here we go:

 

#talkWend3

Much to your surprise, she seems to be in a serious mood today - as soon as you purchase a bag of candied almonds to share and a strange fizzy and overly sweet beverage, she leads the way to a bench and watches pedestrians quietly while you go over some business details.

#talkToWendAlisonCry2

You finally clear away the enough "candy" enough to get some clear words out.

#antinuaOverdoes

She doesn't move except to flinch as Antinua brings as lash down over her sensitive breasts. Streaks of tears stream down her face, and you can almost feel your own eyes well up in sympathy.

#talkAlisonFight

Shock, anger, rebellion and finally feat fear flit across her face.

#hathawaVirginity1

Or not te to be here at all.

#hathawaVirginity11

Hathawa Mandir Cheong. (For consistency with the backer story)

Antinua rolls the name around as though she were tasting it, and shakes the bag she was carrying on her way home to draw attention to the smells smell of food emanating from within.

#hathawaMissing

Why she still shows up and pays you when she can do whatever she pleases with Antinua Hathawa when she's not working is anyone's guess, but the mercenary is still a regular customer.

#hathawaSearchFinal

You finally catch up with her only a block from the destination - a small building in the slums - but she doesn't respond to any of your words, nor slow down, and you're afraid to put a hand on her lest you loose lose it.

#monbachThreat1

She follows the swords woman swordswoman out of the room, leaving you alone.

#visitHilde

She greets you with a smile and gestures you in with a welcoming smile, locking all three deadbolts behind you with a welcoming smile. (so it doesn't sound like she's locking deadbolts with a welcoming smile)

#hildesHouseStayMale2

Then Hilde leans froward forward, pressing her naked body against yours full length, enveloping you in her warm curves.

#hildesHouseStayMale

Hilde slowly lowers her mouth over your cock, coating tho the whole length with saliva.

#hildesHouseStayFemale2

Your mind gous goes blank as stars explode behind your eyes.

Your body convulses, clamping your thighs around Hilde's head to hold her in place as you loose lose control.

#hildesHouseStayFemale

The She spreads your pussy with one hand and leans in, giving your insides a kiss that makes you squirm and giggle before planting her mouth firmly over your slit.

#hireAlison3

I always expected to loose lose Kimea, she was always coughing and fainting and ever so pale, but... not quite like this...

#alisonFuckMale

 It's so soft and wet you fool feel almost no resistance entering, only a blinding heat and enveloping tightness.

#alisonFist2

Still rubbing her clit regularly, you slip your scrunch up your hand and press, stretching her pussy to the limit.

#alisonBind2

It's a vicious cycle broken only when you your wrist is too sore to keep going.

#breakCurse4

You share a pleased smile with Hilde, then it downs dawns on the two of you that she's she'd just run away carrying a valuable magical artifact, and you have no idea if she intends to return.

#breakCurse5

You and Hilde collapse against a wall, gasping of for breath.

 

I skipped a lot, if not all, of the punctuation edits/syntax edits I would've made, but removing all of the typos (I could catch, anyhow) is a start, at the very least.  I guess what's left are the few typos I remember seeing in the backer story.

AColonyOfAnts on

Okay, backer story typos:

 Page 1:

She kneaded at bare shoulders, pulled Hathawa's head back te to her chest in a protective hug.

Page 10:

She unbuckled her sword and said laid it at the lord's feet.

Page 15:

An uncle could not taxe take her place, nor a cousin.

If she died before having a child, the Quannong Cheong family would end.

 

BlueWinds on

Good, not nearly as many as I'd feared.

(I try to reply to all typo posts just so I can remember than I've fixed them later).

BlueWinds on

As usual, any I don't mention here I've made as suggested.

 

Hathawa Mandir Cheong. (For consistency with the backer story)

Ooh, that is embarassing. I knew I had given her a last name somewhere, but couldn't find it while I was writing. Retcon!

She follows the swords woman swordswoman out of the room, leaving you alone.

Spellcheck doesn't like this one, but you're right and spellcheck is wrong. I add a lot of words to the dictionary on my computer.

She greets you with a smile and gestures you in with a welcoming smile, locking all three deadbolts behind you with a welcoming smile. (so it doesn't sound like she's locking deadbolts with a welcoming smile)

Oh, my mistake. I must have been channeling Antinua as I wrote. :evil grin:

You share a pleased smile with Hilde, then it downs dawns on the two of you that she's she'd just run away carrying a valuable magical artifact, and you have no idea if she intends to return.

Downs -> dawns is correct, but "she's" should stay as is. The passage is in present tense - "...that she has just run away..." rather than "...that she had just run away..."

AColonyOfAnts on

Hah, spellcheck is probably only familiar with swordsman.  Not keeping up with the times, eh?

For the last one, I broke it down into "She had just" versus "She has just."  The way I viewed it was, the word "just" modifies the verb to mean "recently," so hence past tense "had just" would mean in this context, "In the recent past, Alison ran away with the pendant."  Whereas "She has just" to me sounds like "In the recent present, Alison ran away with the pendant," which sounds  awkwardly redundant.

I'm not a sentence-smith though, to me it sounds less strange if it's "she'd just run away" OR "she's run away."

Edit: technically "has just and "had just" are both correct, it just depends on how much of a time gap you want between MC/Hilde's realizing and Alison's actual running away.

BlueWinds on

After establishing that <<- people[0] >> is available, that the woman's name is Antinua and that Antinua she would like a back rub and warm oil massage, they head to a back room.

I think I like the original here. A sort of meter / repetition thing.

I don't appreciate you your leaving marks on my employee's throat. Were you choking her?

Apparently they're both correct, but have different meanings. I learned something new! "Your" is what I intended, as you surmised.

You see Antinua leaving Hathawa's room again, and she sees you seeing catches your gaze. (not exactly a typo but using the verb 'see' three times in a single sentence makes for awkward)

I... did the exact opposite. I added three more uses of "to see" to the sentence (and adjusted the rest of the event). ^^;;

Terryble on

One tiny UI tweak I'd suggest is that you make it clear that the 'help prompts' are dismissable instead of timed or just make them timed. It's not exactly gamebreaking but it would just feel slightly nicer if there were a little X or a 'Click to dismiss' on the help tooltips, at least the first one anyway. When you get multiple prompts on screen and they're scrolling as you go it looks a bit... messy. It really is tiny but it's just one of those things.

BlueWinds on

I don't want to make them timed, because I hate it when text I'm reading disappears. It's just about the worst thing a user interface can inflict upon its users.

A little X in the corner is a good idea though, and simple. I'll go with that.

reinhart (not verified) on

I've downloaded the game, but when I clicked the mongoose.exe it does nothing. Can you help me?

BlueWinds on

Read the readme.

BlueWinds on

Or more specficially, finish reading the README. There's another step after double-clicking mongoose.